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No rules say that you have to live your life out in misery, no rules say that to explore who you are safely within yourself that you will leave a trail of devastation either.
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Small steps within yourself, some understanding, some strength and of course help from us here. Where to from here is naturally a very personal thing but the universal part is that a shout out from the roof tops isn't the way to go. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. That's certainly a massive step and probably one that had you shaking in your boots for a while before and as you wrote your feelings. I like how succinct you were in explaining your attraction, when it started and your fears about impact on family. Obviously there are considerations that need to be made about the impact on others, but lots of things can simply be put down the list a fair way to deal with at a later date. Thanks heaps for sharing your burden with us, as I think you and I have chatted about in the past it really helps to talk about how your feeling.Ĭoming to terms with something that is difficult within ourselves can be made even more difficult by projecting what might happen in the future. It will cause waves everywhere and I worry I will lose everyone important in my life.
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I will most likely remain miserable but I don't think I will be happy if I come out either. I can't see any option but to just suffer in silence and get over it. I love them all so much and don't want to hurt them. The people I would feel the worst for are obviously my wife and 2 children. My friends and family are not very accepting of gay people and I can't begin to imagine the devastating impact on everyone if I came out. Then I feel disgusted with myself for thinking like this. I feel sexually frustrated all the time and am constantly wondering what it would be like to be with a guy and explore the fantasies I have had all these years. I have been trying to blame other things such as adapting to fatherhood and work and financial stresses but ultimately I think it's my sexuality that is the key thing getting to me. Over the last couple of years I have become depressed and unhappy in my marriage. Over that whole time I have mostly hidden my feelings because of the stigma and attitudes toward gay men. I am 31 and been married 5 years and have two children but have been attracted to males since I was 11 years old. I have been burying my head in the sand for a long time and hoping the problem will go away but here goes. This is very hard for me to share but I need to do it.